Autistic Speaking

Leia Solo writes "Autistic Speaking" at Leia Solo.




I’ve been pulsing with energy for 3 weeks
I had to be
I organized a fast and hard house move
I held on for the ride, whipping the power spurts to magnify them and get me through
My autistic brain whirred at high speed and here I am in my new house
Job done

I’m sucked of life
Searching for somewhere safe and soft to land
A hidey-hole to embrace the numb
I am spent of all emotion and pill hungry to slumber
My autistic brain is on screen saver and I must wait while it regenerates
Job in progress

This is how it is
This is how it works
This is why I achieve space travel at light speed
This is why even typing is too much

Marble (A Poem)

Caycilia writes "Marble (A Poem)" at Love and Pragmatism.




Sometimes I can't look at you
Sometimes I can't really be here

There's too much.
So I need to be somewhere else

Sometimes I just stare and you can tell by the look in my eye that I'm not seeing what I'm looking at
Or I'm only seeing what I'm looking at

Just the marble
Just the grain in the wood of the table
Focusing on it.

Not in this room

With all its things
All its faces
All its sounds

I'm not here

Inundated by everything
Overwhelmed

Just the grains in the wood of the table top
Just the swirl of the colored glass in the marble

If it's only that

Only this

Then i can hear you
Then i can pick out your one voice
And listen

Even if this focus

On the one thing
And the one voice

 Means i can't use mine

To respond.

Autistics Speaking Day 2016: Love's Austere and Lonely Offices

Dani Alexis writes "Autistics Speaking Day 2016:  Love's Austere and Lonely Offices" at Autistic Academic.

Sundays too my father got up early

and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,

then with cracked hands that ached

from labor in the weekday weather made

banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him. 

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.

When the rooms were warm, he’d call,

and slowly I would rise and dress,

Speaking indifferently to him, 

who had driven out the cold

and polished my good shoes as well.

What did I know, what did I know

of love’s austere and lonely offices?

– “Those Winter Sundays,” Robert Hayden

I woke up at 4:45 a.m. to the sound of my cat having what is either an epileptic seizure or a transient ischemic attack, and ever since then, I have had no intention of writing for Autistics Speaking Day today.  My day seemed to have nothing whatsoever to do with the annual festival of Autistic people speaking for ourselves, a festival founded in direct response to the theories and rhetoric that insist that to be unable to speak for oneself is autism.

 

But then.  I’m autistic; this is my day; why not speak?  Sufficient unto each day is the relevance thereof, and all that.

 

Read the rest here!

This Genderqueer Autistic is Speaking Out on Autistics Speaking Day

Kris has written This Genderqueer Autistic is Speaking Out on Autistics Speaking Day

trigger warning: ABA, suicide attempts, religion.

My name is Kristian Young, but you can call me Kris.  I’m a Black, genderqueer, asexual Autistic person.  Here’s my story.

I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified) when I was 3 years old.  From there, I was placed in a special education early childhood center and had to go through early intervention, which was a nightmare for me.  I was not allowed to hum or repeat phrases or do anything that made me uniquely me.  The “experts” made me feel like I was a weirdo for doing these things.

things you don't want to hear

Neurodivergent K has written "things you don't want to hear". Please go read it!

Silence of Absence

Alyssa "Silence of Absence" on Yes, That Too

After I taught lab without speech, I felt good. Not great, because I was still reeling from the effects of the event that made me lose speech in the first place, but good. I'd done what needed doing, and I'd shown myself that I could teach without speech. 

After I had to leave lab today, I didn't feel good. All too often, autistic people are silenced in conversations about autism by never even getting to be a part of the conversation. It's hard to have a voice (mouth-sounds or otherwise) when absent. And I was absent, because presence was inaccessible. I was silent in an entirely different way than when I was present, literally silent, and still teaching. 

Read More Here

Autism does define me

Michelle Sutton "Autism does define me"

When we meet someone new, it is expected that we get to know each other to some extent. The context of the meeting tends to dictate the sorts of questions that are typically part of the conversation. Where are you from? What do you do? Do you have any children? There are also some answers that are typically considered to be appropriate, and some answers that will generally attract a negative reaction.

I think what we are trying to do when we engage in these discussions is to find out the other persons identity. Who are they? What defines them? Do I have anything in common with them? I guess this is not an inherently bad thing, but it is problematic when you consider the fact that we tend to make certain assumptions about a person based on their answers that, if we are honest with ourselves, are often assumptions made in error.

Let me introduce myself:

Read More Here

Autistics Speaking Day yet again

 Jane Strauss writes Autistics Speaking Day yet again on Facebook

Wow.

This year I was caught unawares. Probably because part of the “inner circle” of Autistics has, in some ways, decided I am not valid enough to be informed. I don’t fit with their “social justice” which holds that Parents have to be their kids’ friends, that my people are less valid in our indigenous-ness than groups which invaded the Levant over a thousand years after our civilization developed there, that my unapologetic cis hetero nature and old fashioned understanding of pronouns are somehow evil. I am not “successful” enough as they define it, to be a valid presenter in their events. I am not made in their (often decades younger) image.

But guess what?

I am still autistic, still a parent, still Jewish, still a fighter. I have gone back to fighting locally. I have retreated from the conference circuit. I am not wasting my time on the Large Established Organizations, whose primary purposes seem to be erecting a barrier between “professionals” and “clients” actually living with boots on the ground, placating (neurotypical) parents and professionals, and perpetuating their own existence. I have become disgusted, in this very political year, with all kinds of politics - organizational, interpersonal, national and local. I have retreated into the shadows.

I have begun working with some others on a new kind of organization, one which may be flexible enough to develop new models, responsive models, respectful models of support.

And, at bottom, the same old same old continues.

Autistic adults ask for help - and it isn’t what the World wants to give.

Schools, health care, government agencies ignore legal mandates while grabbing funds, cranking on their merry way.

Autistic kids are forced by the Powers That Be to see themselves as broken.

The world turns, what goes around comes around, somehow, something has to change or give, though there is no apparent human response on the horizon.

And in other news, the sky appears blue.

On Autism and the Sensation of Time

Catsidhe writes "On Autism and the Sensation of Time" at Catsidhe.




November 1 keeps catching me by surprise. Every year. Every Autistics Speaking day.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an accurate sense of time: to remember an event and Just Know how long ago it was, to see an event in the calendar and Just Know how long I have to wait. But I don't. I have five times into which all events are sorted: there is the Now. There is the Recent Past and the Near Future... maybe up to 24 hours in either direction. And then there's the Past, and the Future. And within those two groups, there is no ordering. If something happened a week ago, or twenty years ago, it feels the same to me. If something is scheduled for Thursday, or for April, the urgency is the same to me.

As you can imagine, this doesn't help with things. If something was more than a couple of days ago, I don't remember if I've done it or not. The death of my father's father in 1993 feels as immediate and painful as the death of my mother's father in 2009. For any event which has happened, I must consciously remember context to put things in order: This person was at that event, so it must have been while I was working there. That narrows it down to five years or so... now I have to look up which years those were...


Read the rest here!

On everything I love and want to succeed

Kit Mead "On everything I love and want to succeed"

Trigger Warning for death and filicide mentions

There is a lot of pain, and I worry

I have never seen the world through rose-colored glasses. I never pretend things are beautiful and perfect when they are not. Likewise, I do not view the autistic community through rose-colored glasses.

For all the conversations I have about the ways we could improve, I love the autistic community. Nothing could ever change that. I am a lifelong autistic and therefore a lifelong member of this community.

We have lot of trauma, a lot of pain. We have a lot of people hurt by a lot of different things. We have a lot of people with different opinions on what it means to be autistic, and a lot of people with different opinions on what counts as activism. We have a lot of people with very political opinions on a lot of different topics. We do not communicate “typically,” whatever “typically” means. Navigating interpersonal relations in this world of differences takes effort and time.

Having difficulty with using the words we want to is a hallmark of our disability. Snap judgments often get made on those who aren’t able to transform their language into something considered acceptable.

What Can I Say?

Nora sends us "What Can I Say?" from A Heart Made Fullmetal

Trigger warnings for abuse/murder of autistics.

So apparently it’s autistics speaking day. There are so many things I could say. So many ways I could write. There are numerous different words I could fill this blog post with. And yet, I am coming up empty. I feel like I am shouting into the silence.

What can I say when my basic rights are denied? What can I say when I’m pushed to be neurotypical, to be something I am not? What can I say when I’m told to shut up, that I don’t know anything, when I have the r word thrown in my face? What can I say when I’m told I don’t understand what it’s like, even though I have lived it?

You call me expressive and miss the struggle it takes

Kit Mead sends us "You call me expressive and miss the struggle it takes"

I don’t want to hear that I’m expressive.

I want to learn that it’s okay to never be able coordinate my movements when I turn toward a door frame, resulting in the inevitable collision. I want to learn that I can focus on my movements, unapologetically Autistic in the ways my hands move, slowing to let myself tap invisible pianos and move my hands back and forth to the music.

I want people to learn to value diversity in communication and movement. I want people to make the effort to understand me, as I make the effort to understand them. I want people to learn that the ways I speak and move are, now and always, acceptable and valid.

*This is an old post because the past few months have been chaotic!

Read more here. 

Autistics Speaking Day 2016: Affirmations For You

Feminist Aspie writes "Autistics Speaking Day 2016: Affirmations For You" at Feminist Aspie.




My ASDay posts (and posts in general…) often just consist of me talking about myself, which is kind of tricky given that I’m supposed to be anonymous, so today I’m going to talk about you.

If you think you belong here, you belong here. If you don’t have a formal diagnosis, or if your diagnosis was lost or left in limbo by a mess of bureaucracy, you still belong here. If people don’t take your autism seriously, you still belong here. If you’re actually feeling pretty good right now, you still belong here.

You don’t need to feel guilty because you’re actually feeling pretty good right now. You don’t need to feel guilty because you’re not in a good place right now. You don’t have to feel guilty because the ways you respond on bad days don’t even make sense to you in hindsight on good days. You don’t have to feel guilty because you could do something one time and you couldn’t do it some other time.

It doesn’t mean you’re fake, it means you’re human and subject to a multitude of other contextual factors.

You’re not just attention-seeking (and who decided seeking attention was such a bad thing anyway?), you’re not just running away from ~the real world~ (this IS the real world), and you’re not just trying to be a special snowflake (er, whatever that means). You’re autistic, even if you don’t fit pre-conceived neurotypical ideas of what autism is.

It’s okay to be uncomfortable with the latest TV show/film/book/whatever about autism. It’s okay not to like it or relate to it even if you don’t find it outright offensive. It’s okay to feel alienated by the version of autism that’s presented to us by neurotypical-led media. Again, it doesn’t make you fake or a Bad Autistic Person. At the same time, it’s okay to enjoy the representation while you can, to find solace in seeing someone vaguely like you even if it isn’t perfect.

The way you experience the world is real. It’s not over-reacting, it’s not wrong or weird or weak, it’s autistic and valid and real. Sometimes, the world can be downright scary, and this is especially difficult when the people around you don’t think it’s scary, they don’t recognise that you might feel differently (and they say we lack empathy?) and you’re left facing it alone because voicing your fears gets you judgement rather than support. It’s still just as real. But you’ve got this. You’ve made it this far, you’ve more than likely felt this way before, and you can survive again.

It’s okay to retreat sometimes, to focus on recovering from the constant overload, to take care of yourself. Abled people like trying to frame this as weakness or inferiority, but you’re only trying to achieve the same level of comfort that they have all the time in this society that was designed specifically with them in mind. It’s okay to be angry – there’s a hell of a lot to be angry about. But it’s also okay if you can’t fight back all the time. It’s okay if you have to choose your battles.

You are strong and kind and brave and capable and deserving of love.

And your special interests are amazing too!

Today I am silent

Tuttleturtle writes "Today I am silent" at Turtle is a Verb.




Today I am silent.

That is it's own form of communication. Choosing to not engage in the unspoken rituals expected of us. It's own form of saying, no, I'm doing my thing, what is right for me.

I make that choice. Limiting my speech to that which I choose, that which I deem worth the cost; that which I deem necessary; that which I deem worth enough to deal with the downsides. Otherwise, I can choose to be silent.

Smalltalk around me. I don't need to reply.

I can choose my self-care as more important than making others more comfortable with this uncanny valley person that is me. I can choose to say no.

I'm asked dehumanizing questions, the emotional labor expected of a token autistic in an unfriendly environment.

But I don't need to honor them. I can take care of myself.

It's my choice. My decision. My desires which matter. It's my needs which I value, as I say, I don't need to speak.

And that's why today I'm silent.

Because today, I rest.

Autistics' Speaking Day: Autism in South Africa - an opportunity lost

Julian Frost writes "Autistics' Speaking Day: Autism in South Africa - an opportunity lost" on autismjungle.





[This is an edited version of an article I wrote two years ago.]

South Africa is a nation with a Constitution hailed as one of the most progressive in the world. It states that discrimination on the grounds of Race, Religion, Gender, Sexual Orientation and physical and mental disability is prohibited. With that, one would think that Autistics in South Africa are quite well off in comparison with other countries. Sadly, that is not the case. The state’s capacity to uphold the rights of the disabled has been undermined by historic factors, bad recent choices and current realities.

In 1948, the National Party won the General Election and introduced apartheid. This was a system of laws intended to discriminate against non-white South Africans. Skilled, highly paid jobs were reserved for whites only. Non-whites were given inferior facilities, treatment and education. Black South Africans had it the worst but Indian South Africans and Coloureds (mixed-race South Africans) also faced discrimination.

In the 1960’s the international community began placing sanctions on South Africa to force the government to abandon apartheid. Various boycotts were applied. Research and technologies were no longer shared with South African scientists and institutions. Despite this, apartheid persisted until F.W. De Klerk became president in 1989. In 1990 Nelson Mandela was released from prison and in 1994 he became South Africa’s first ever democratically elected president. In 1996, Mandela signed South Africa’s Constitution into law.

As the Constitution proclaims the rights of the disabled, the state is supposed to enforce them. Due to our racist past, the priority has been to rectify race based inequalities. This has often been at the expense of the rights of other marginalised groups, particularly the disabled.

Because of the sanctions applied during apartheid, a lot of research into autism did not reach South Africa. In addition, technologies that could have helped autistics were prevented from coming here. Apple briefly had a presence in South Africa before disinvesting. It returned after the end of apartheid and has a full scale presence now. This is fortunate, as Apple products, especially the iPad, have been used in teaching autistics.

The Key School, founded in 1973, is the oldest school for autistic children in South Africa. In 2011, it pioneered the use of iPads as aids for autistics in South Africa. In 2012, it nearly had to close down due to a lack of funding. The National Lottery Fund initially refused help, then reconsidered. The Els Foundation and Oppenheimer Memorial Trust also gave funding.

One of the downsides of South Africa’s reintegration into the world community is that antivaccination propaganda has begun springing up. An increasing number of comments making false claims about vaccines (including the nonexistent correlation between vaccination and autism) have shown up on local news websites. Some have repeated the “Bill Gates admitted that vaccines are to depopulate the world” lie. Disreputable sources of “information” like Natural News have also been cited.

The situation of autism awareness and accommodation in South Africa is the story of an opportunity lost. When I think back to my childhood, I know that things are far better now than they were then. However, I am also keenly aware that they are not nearly as good as they could have been.

I Will Not Rest

Dr. Levinstein writes "I Will Not Rest."


Trigger Warning:  Mild trigger warning for discussion of eliminating Autistics.





I will not rest until Autism Speaks stops attempting to exterminate Autistics

I will not rest until people stop saying I am" high-functioning."

I will not rest until accommodations of light and sound are universal.

I will not rest until Autistics are no longer afraid to come out.

I will not rest until ABA is outlawed

Autistics Speaking Day 2016: An Unplanned Entry

Leeanne Marshall writes "Autistics Speaking Day 2016: An Unplanned Entry" on The thoughts of One Autistic Person.

Today, the 1^st November is Autistics Speaking Day (ASDay) 2016. In the lead-up to today I have been reading through my blog posts for previous years. So many thoughts seemingly swirling through my mind making it hard to focus on, and write about, one thought.

I actually wrote the above paragraph on the 31^st of October. I was trying to write the post that day since I knew today was going to be busy for me. However, I was not able to focus my thoughts and get this entry written. Perhaps this has ended up being positive since I had an experience at university today that I think is worthy of a post on its own.

To acknowledge ASDay I cosplayed as the character Yugi from the manga and television series Yu-Gi-Oh! to my university class today. The reason I did this was because I have been a participant at the Yu-Gi-Oh! The Trading Card Game Australian Nationals, so I thought cosplaying as the main character from Yu-Gi-Oh! was fitting. I also happen to know that many Autistic people like Yu-Gi-Oh! I have found many of my Autistic friends through participating at Yu-Gi-Oh! Tournaments.

As I had hoped, the Yugi costume and my reasons for wearing it came up in conversation during class, allowing me to explain ASDay to my lecturer and other students (the course I am undertaking is in disability studies so it is useful for my classmates to know). Another Autistic individual in the class mentioned that her Autistic son also likes Yu-Gi-Oh! so she should introduce us to each other at some stage. I told this person and the rest of class that I found a significant number of my Autistic friends through playing Yu-Gi-Oh! even though most of us did not have a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder at the time, we got a diagnosis later.

I did not anticipate someone in the room questioning why I felt the need to mention that a significant number of friends I made playing Yu-Gi-Oh! were Autistic. To me it seemed obvious, I mentioned it because it was fact and because a lot of Autistic individuals do seem to like Yu-Gi-Oh!. His argument was that it did not matter whether those friends were Autistic, Neurotypical (a person whose brain is wired the usual way) or a different form of Neurodiverse person (a person with dyslexia, ADHD etc.).

To me this does matter. While I appreciate my Neurotypical and other Neurodiverse friends, I have found a true sense of belonging in the Autistic community. Just over the weekend, I was struggling with a certain issue that lots of Autistic people struggle with. I was able to vent about the issue to a Facebook group of all Autistic individuals, some of whom I have met in real life and are my friends. They understood my issue, gave examples of facing similar issues and made me feel like I was not alone.

That said I get where this person in my class is coming from. In the past, people with disabilities were often segregated from other people and from what I understand, did not have much opportunity to make friends with people without disabilities. Even now, exclusion of individuals with disabilities from the mainstream is an issue (and one that gets frequently talked about in our disability studies classes). I certainly think Autistic individuals should have the opportunity to find Neurotypical and other Neurodiverse friends ….. I just also think that being able to make friends with other Autistic individuals and feeling that sense of belonging to a group is important as well.

This is not the ASDay post I intended to write but I think it is a valuable post all the same. Perhaps next year I should also make an effort to cosplay as a character for ASDay and see what happens.

INFJs, Old Souls, and Vera

Mx. Vera Didenko has written "INFJs, Old Souls, and Vera" on This, That, and Vera


INFJs, Old Souls, and Vera

4:01am

I should not be up at this ung-dly hour. But, here I am, using my phone to compose a post.

I would be using my laptop had I not wiped out its operating system, therefore needing to make adjustments to get to work once again. Damn you, Windows 10 updates from hell.

Today is November 1st; the annual Autistics Speaking Day. I don't think I can exactly top what I shared last year, but then again that's not the point of this post.

So, what does this Autistic want to speak about?  Personality.

Some folks have called me an "old soul" since my age was in the single digits. More recently, I have discovered that Myers-Briggs Personality Test score is of someone who is Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judgmental (INFJ).

In a world of 7 billion humans, those who sport an INFJ personality make up only 1% of said humans. In other words, if you were to proverbially stick a fork in me, and red juice come through the holes, that's how rare my personality is.

Oh stop, Vera. That's 70 million people who also share your whatever that INFJ thing is.

I know. We're an endangered species.

Speaking of which, having an "old soul" is also a hard to find commonality. Old souls have the ability to share random knowledge similar to dropping the most def mix tape of the year. It just happens. We analyze to the tilt over everything.

What does this personality stuff have to do with being Autistic?

Allow me to counter: how many other Autistics do YOU know that are like me?

I dunno.

And why is that, Dear Reader?

Because I don't commun....itcate....with....um....

....because you don't communicate with other Autistics?

Yeah, I mean no. I mean, well....you know what I mean.

No, not really. Please share with the class.

I mean, I don't know what personalities Autistic people have. Are you suggesting that all Autistic people are Old Soul INFJs?

Nope. I am suggesting that no one knows what personality traits other Autistic folks have because most neurotypical folks (*looks at you*) don't "listen" to us when we do "speak."

Come to think of it, most neurotypical folks don't listen to what Autistic people have to say about what they want and how they want to live their lives, let alone how they identify. I also suggest that Autistic folks not only have personality, but it is as wide and varied as our neurotypical counterparts.

I mean, hell, we don't proverbially bite. (Well, maybe I do because I'm a kinky brat, but I don't bite hard.)

Okay, Vera. What's the best way to "listen" to Autistic people?

Reading a blog like this is a start. Reading blogs ran and/or contributed to by other Autistics. Watching online videos produced by other Autistics. Any communicative medium that has been created by Autistics and/or advocating allies is a great place to begin "listening" to what Autistic folks have to say.

So you're telling me that I'm doing it already?

Yup. Now, all I want you to do is to tell your other neurotypical friends/fam/fans/followers to reach out to other Autistic folks to listen to what we say and what we have to say. We speak all of the time; with our bodies, with our routines, with our precision-cut focused interests, with our souls, with our personalities.

Just because a doctor or an autism parent or some organization claiming it has "experience" in autism, doesn't make them an expert as to what we want and need and desire, unless, of course, they are (exclusively ran by) autistic themselves.

Hear us out.

Just saying.

4:49am

Acceptance Must Not Become a Buzzword

ActingNT (Daniel Au Valencia) writes Acceptance Must Not Become a Buzzword

The discourse surrounding autism is full of meaningless buzzwords: Awareness, cure, treatment, high-functioning, optimal outcome, and many more; even the factual-sounding phrase "evidence-based" cannot be taken as an indication that there really is evidence. Many of these words did mean something once upon a time, but since then have been distorted by widespread overuse and misuse.

Language has power, and replacing meaningless buzzwords with things that aremeaningful is an important part of pro-Autistic activism: Rather than appealing to a vaguely defined "functioning" level, we describe what people's specific support needs are. Rather than trying to nonsensically "treat" or "cure" something that isn't a disease, we attempt to change the social and civil environments to ones that are more accommodating.
You might expect that a campaign to promote "awareness" of autism would be educating people about what autism is, highlighting some Autistic role models, and explaining how to best support the Autistic people in your life. In practice, "autism awareness" campaigns don't seem to promote any message other than autism is a thing that exists. If that's all we're meant to be aware of, then frankly, I think we're at peak awareness. When I hear people talk about "raising" awareness further, I imagine some Amish family in the mountains, living off a tofu farm, that hasn't heard the word autism yet.

Read more on Acting NT

I Am Autistic, and I Am Valid

Christy Walk has posted "I Am Autistic, and I Am Valid" on ChristyAutisticWalk.
Content warning for discussion of abuse and murder of autistic people.


This is my first Autistics Speaking Day essay. I wanted to do an essay last year, but my computer didn’t work and it had viruses on it, so I couldn’t use it. I also tried using my Nintendo 3DS but unfortunately, that didn’t work either, but I am thankful my computer is back up and running again, in time for Autistics Speaking Day.

Today is Autistics Speaking Day. I am glad that I’m participating in this day, after weeks of having no computer, which is now fixed. Autistics Speaking Day is important to me because as autistic people, we are awesome. We are the coolest people that you’ll ever meet. We are tender-hearted people who are valid and have feelings. We don’t lack empathy, and we have a sense of humor.