Autistic
Duke Rumbles.
Cassie Autistics Speaking Day 2016: The Journey From Self-Loathing to Self-Acceptance and the Forging of Identity
Catsidhe On Autism and the sensation of Time.
Sara Kerkstra writes A Simple Desire (And other blogs)
C. L. Bridge My Personality Is Not a Sub-Type Presentation
Christy Walk I Am Autistic, and I am Valid (Trigger Warnings)
ActingNT (Daniel Au Valencia) Acceptance Must Not Become a Buzzword
Mx. Vera Didenko INFJs, Old Souls, and Vera
Leeanne Marshall An Unplanned Entry
Dr Levinstein I Will Not Rest
Julian Frost Autistics' Speaking Day: Autism in South Africa - an opportunity lost
Tuttleturtle Today I am silent
FeministAspie Autistics Speaking Day 2016: Affirmations For You
Kit Mead You call me expressive and miss the struggle it takes and On everything I love and want to succeed (Trigger Warnings)
Nora What Can I Say? (Trigger Warnings)
Michelle Sutton Autism does define me
Alyssa Silence of Absence
Neurodivergent K things you don't want to hear
Kris This Genderqueer Autistic is Speaking Out on Autistics Speaking Day (Trigger Warnings)
Dani Alexis Love's Austere and Lonely Offices (Trigger Warnings)
Caycilia Marble (A Poem)
Leia Solo Autistic Speaking
Michael Scott Monje Jr. That One Time I Had to Strike Against the IWW (Trigger Warnings)
R. Larkin Taylor-Parker Being a Welcoming Community
Nightengale Writing the Brochure I Want to Read in the World
NonSpeakingNonSilent i'm just going to be me and The actual Autism crisis
Amythest Schaber The problem is less that autistic people aren’t speaking, and much more that non-autistic people won’t stop.
Mintythings Authenticity (Trigger Warning)
Riki If you Value Autistics Return our voices
Kathryn Bjornstad-Kelly ASDay Post
To raising Autism awareness and Acceptance, and battling negative stereotypes about Autism. To advocate for the inclusion of Autistic people in the community. To offer a forum to broadcast our stories and thoughts, and to help the messages of Autistic people and non-Austistic allies reach as many people as possible.
Showing posts with label 2016. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2016. Show all posts
Friday, October 13, 2017
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Non Speaking Not Silent wrote "The actual Autism crisis" at Non-Speaking Not Silent: AAC Apps and Service Dogs
There is a very real and serious Autism crisis
The fact we have to fight to be seen as humans
The rampant infantalization of autistics
The fact doctors still tell parents if we don't do X by age 5 we never will
This is the real Autism crisis
The real Autism crisis is how society treats us the Autism crisis is Ableism!
this is a crisis we must address and needs to be dealt with!
this is the Autism crisis Autistics face everydaay!
TW all the trigger warnings an.iesm, death abuse, and pretty much everything
Yes we do have and Autism crisis and it seems t be an invasive epidemic world wide! But it's not what you think!
The crisis isn't about "the rise in autism rates," something that is
largely do to more awareness and understanding about Autism
No the crisis is invasive, frightening and dangerous
The Autism crisis is....
Am invasive lack of presumption of competence especially when we do not
have or use verbal communication or when our verbal communication is
deemed poor
It's the assumption that those who do use verbal speech need few or even
no supports at all, and the reality their needs are often over looked,
ignored and rarely accommodated
autistic communication rights are ignored, before we can have access to a
full comprehensive AAC system we are often told to "prove it low tech
first," when we don't use AAC 100 percent perfect right off that bay we
are said to be in interested, many alternative communication methods are
viewed as "con traversal and even when we are clearly typing on our own
either the authenticity of out words or that of our diagnosis are
called into question
The communication support needs of autistics with decent to excellent verbal skills is overlooked and ignored entirely
The fact that communication and verbal skills are seen as binary concepts
The fact that access to communication AIDS and a variety of methods of
non speech based communication methods isn't seen as a basic human right
for us,
The fact that people assume we don't communicate if we can't use or don't use verbal speech or an AAC
The fact we have to remind people behavior is communication
That children are expected to spend 40 plus hours a week in therapies
designed to try to make us indistinguishable from our peers or as
normal as possible while also getting other therapies and being expected
to also go to school, childhoods stolen in hopes of making us seem
normal
A growing number of dangerous and experimental treatments and abusiveAnd
therapies in hopes of curing us, many of which would be considered
child abuse with a non autistic child, prominent example is mms (mini
ale mineral solution aka bleach fed to children and administered though
enimmas
The fact that autistic friendly therapies are not seen as a priority and
learning to pass as normal is even at the detriment of the autistic
individual
The fact RPM isn't more widely available and I'm not sure if insurance will even cover it
The fact that stim suppression is considered a training goal even though stimming is critical for many of us
The fact that essentially dog training techniques are used as therapies on us to train us to act normal.
The fact there are therapy goals at teaching us to play "the right way" (aka the non Autstic way)
The fact it's seen as acceptable to talk about us like we aren't Ben there when we are next to you!
The. Fact that proper clump comorbidy in with being part of autism and
don't look at them separately as additional things we have to deal with,
The fact that organizations that claim to represent while ignoring us
when we say something is harmful and they will try to silence us and
claim to speak for us while shutting us out, spreading fear and stigma.
It's the attitudes that murdering us is some how mercy, while our
killers often parents and care givers are painted as victims and us the
undo burden who they had to endure, our support needs and challenges
are used to justify our murders, that when we are murdered the reports
aren't about how it is an unspeakable act of cold blooded murder but
rather about the struggles of our killers,
The fact society seems to send them message we and our loved ones are better off if we were never born or if we are dead
The fact that we have to fight for our basic human rights and those are often ignored.
The fact that parents showing videos of us at our worst to "educate" by
posting about how hard and horrible autism makes their lives is seen as
acceptable and our dignity and privacy not being valued especially in
the face of parents talking about their suffering
The fact parents suffering matters more then the Barrie's that we face due to ableism and a societies attitudes about us
The pervasive use of functioning labels that paint an inaccurate picture
about an autistic individual and our needs, capabilities and assets,
The using of functioning labels to silence and function shame autistics
The fact that being able to type is used against us to invalidate out
voices especially if we type well (spoiler how well we type tells you
nothing about what challenges, daily struggle S or impairments we have)
The fact that any small success or having certain life skills even if
they are not as important as ones we struggle with is s used against us
to silence us
The fact that functioning shaming is a thing
The voices of Parents " professionals and organizations being valued over those of actually Autistic people
The mere fact an autistic person can disagree with something or say "wow
that's harmful," or "how would you feel if that was up you," to things
like meltdowns p or personal care things being put out on the Internet
for the world to see and 100 parents will jump in and attack or harass
the autistic person, really all an autistic person needs do is disagree
with the something posted by a parent, org or a non autistic and they
get attacked.
The fact that there are amazing parents and family members out there who work to lift up Autistic voice, support neurodiversity fight for presumtion of comptenence fight agaisnst all the issues on this list to better the lives of their children and loved ones only to also be dismissed and told they have it easy and clearly don't know what "real autism is,'
this whole "this is real autism," thing often used by people who feel autism isn't being portrayed right often used as an attack on what they see as ?to happy a depiction" and ignoring the fact that autism is complex.
The fact that there are amazing parents and family members out there who work to lift up Autistic voice, support neurodiversity fight for presumtion of comptenence fight agaisnst all the issues on this list to better the lives of their children and loved ones only to also be dismissed and told they have it easy and clearly don't know what "real autism is,'
this whole "this is real autism," thing often used by people who feel autism isn't being portrayed right often used as an attack on what they see as ?to happy a depiction" and ignoring the fact that autism is complex.
Autstic adults and children are constantly exposed to hearing terms like
"burden," "crisis" "Broken," "lost," damaged and "trapped" in reference
to us and being autistic and this is seen as ok while "valued,"
"competent," "life worth living," "being seen as a whole person," and
any discussion of acceptance and understanding is seen as"glorifying
autism," controversial and radical
The fact that people take offense to the Neurodiversity movement that
basically say different neurology and disability is part of human
experience, disabled people and people with different neurologist have a
right to our basic rights, understanding supports we need and
acceptance for who we are and it's ok to have different neurological
make up and to have disabilities what ever they may be it doesn't take
away from our value as a person
The insistence one use of mental age
The idea IQ test accurately determine anything really.
The fact that most of the funding for autism goes into studies about
causes, prevention and prenatal testing instead of into studies on what
services and community supports are most beneficial to autistics, to
adult services and community support or to services for adults
The fact that April is often a traumatic time for Autistics as we are looded with harmful awareness adds that stigmatize us, stories of our peers treating us as humans and being praised for it and inspiration porn, and of coarse lets not forget the light it up blue which is a giant add for autism speaks that the autistic community has addressed as harmful and is the center of a massive boycott,
The fact that the autistic run and founded events in April for acceptance and understanding such red instead, the blog challenge, and a variety of alternatives to light it up blue are generally ignored drowned out by the things lifted above
The fact that April is often a traumatic time for Autistics as we are looded with harmful awareness adds that stigmatize us, stories of our peers treating us as humans and being praised for it and inspiration porn, and of coarse lets not forget the light it up blue which is a giant add for autism speaks that the autistic community has addressed as harmful and is the center of a massive boycott,
The fact that the autistic run and founded events in April for acceptance and understanding such red instead, the blog challenge, and a variety of alternatives to light it up blue are generally ignored drowned out by the things lifted above
The fact that services and supports for autistic adults especially in community supports are rare and hard to find
The fact most services cut off at 22
The fact most organizations providing service dogs for Autistics will not train them for adults and many are either scam or well intentioned but promoting and using practices/tasks such as tethering that are highly dangerous to both dog and he autistic individual. Even though there are a variety of tasks that guide and hearing dogs perform that can really help mitigate and manage sensory processing issues.
The fact most organizations providing service dogs for Autistics will not train them for adults and many are either scam or well intentioned but promoting and using practices/tasks such as tethering that are highly dangerous to both dog and he autistic individual. Even though there are a variety of tasks that guide and hearing dogs perform that can really help mitigate and manage sensory processing issues.
The fact that poor families, families of color and minorities and
females are less likely to receive an autism diagnosis and the gender
and cultural biases in the diagnostics and the autism field
The fact most people think of autism they depict a white male child often sad looking
The fact that even though every other disability community has pretty
much realized negative awareness techniques and using pitty to get
funds was wrong and damaging so they did away with it like in the 60s or
70s (it's 2 am I don't have the exact date more the spoons to look it
up) up yet this is the main way fundraising is done in the autism
community
The fact that electro shock is seen as a reasonable way to treat autism
and is just reaching the fear in hopes of having it banned as I humane
in the year 2016! Please FDA ban aversive shock therapy!
The fact sensory issues are rarely taken seriously
The fact that non autistics are praised for treating us like people
The fact we have to fight to be seen as humans
The fact that passing means our diagnosis is devalued and not means we are denied out autonomy
The fact that our sexuality is ignored
the fact that we spend hours in compliance training
the fact that having emotions such as anger, frustration and being upset while normal for everyone else is seen as being defiant and uncooperative,
the fact that we spend hours in compliance training
the fact that having emotions such as anger, frustration and being upset while normal for everyone else is seen as being defiant and uncooperative,
The fact that autistic is used as an insult now by some
The fact that use of autistic is ignored and even painted are therapy
The fact that when autistic choose to use identity first non autistic
people correct us and tell us how to talk about ourselves and insist we
use person first.
The fact we are often given little to no autonomy
The rampant infantalization of autistics
The fact doctors still tell parents if we don't do X by age 5 we never will
The fact that the entire focus is to make us normal and not to accommodate us and help us grow with our strengths
The fact you can be denied an organ transplant because you are Autistic
the practice of forcing eye contact
The fact you can be denied an organ transplant because you are Autistic
the practice of forcing eye contact
The fact that the world tells us it's better we pass and burn ourselves out completely then we seem even a bit Autistic
The fact that our accommodations and needs aren't taken seriously and are often treated as not real or a burden
The fact that we are seen as tragedies not people
The fact it's 2-3:30 am and I can rattle these off the top of my head despite being half awake!
I know I am missing so many more!
The real Autism crisis is how society treats us the Autism crisis is Ableism!
this is a crisis we must address and needs to be dealt with!
this is the Autism crisis Autistics face everydaay!
Image description white Germany Shepard wrappers in 2 blankets laying on
a brown leather couch with head on a white pillow dangling back over
the side of the couch
If You Value Autistics, Return Our Voices
Riki wrote "If You Value Autistics, Return Our Voices" at ZebraRiki.
(Note: I started this on Monday, but then I was too exhausted to finish it, so I’m posting it a day late)
Today is Autistic Speaking Day.
It’s Autistic Speaking day, and my friend and colleague is in Ottawa at a National Youth Forum discussing what an accessible Canada would look like.
It’s Autistic Speaking day and just yesterday I rolled into a theatre, saw my name on a sign as the guest speaker, and reflected on the collaboration we had we done with the theater company and the amazing work that has been done this past year.
I’ve spoken at the United Nations in Geneva, made UN submissions as an autistic person representing autistics, been involved in National Campaigns,
and you know what?
this morning my phone broke even more, and I cried.
I pressed the non-responsive buttons repeatedly as if they some how held the answers I desperately needed.
I stared at that broken phone in disbelief and all the exhaustion came rushing back.
I’m so tired.
Last night was amazing. It was amazing and I was preparing to write a very different post for today. I still want to write that post.
But this one, this is something I have been putting off for so long.
A few weeks ago when I spoke at the consultation for the Canada Accessibility Act, I first spoke on the barriers I was facing as I was working to be involved in advocacy (and other things). How having a disability, especially multiple disabilities, impacts how you are able to deal with your disability. How being poor, not living in acccessible housing, and not having access to necessary medical supplies has left me with constant health problems in addition to what I normally deal with. How I struggle to fill out forms so much that it is often easier for me to simply go without, how this means I miss out on constant opportunities. Everything I accomplish takes so much out of me that I return exhausted, with less energy complete necessary functions others consider simple. With increased damage to my body.
I have failed disability studies courses 5 separate times.
That’s a different post, but it’s important because I so often see amazing disabled people pushed out of the field, their experiences enriching their non-disabled classmates, who go on to graduate and find jobs in the field,
while our expertise is overlooked and miscredited, and if we are lucky enough to get paid (we usually are not), we are frequently underpaid. Our involvement is not considered serious, or work, or something worth paying for.
This needs to change.
I love what I do, and yes, the stress, the tears, all of it is worth it.
But here is the problem.
I don’t constantly cry about money just because it would be easier for me and others,
I do so because I have been barely able to hang on for several months now.
I have some of the most amazing people in my life, and their support, their love, hope, optimism, that allows me to keep mine. Because my life is filled with such amazing people, I’ve spent the past few months trying to drag myself through this, knowing that there can be something in the future.
With all the talk that everyone does about Autism, how much money raised goes to support Autistics? And actually support them, not just fund questionable therapies. How much money goes to us, the Autistics working so hard for this. We don’t do it for praise, we often get dragged through the mud by so many people for this work. We put our reputations, our sanity, ourselves, on the line for this because we know they never mattered in the first place.
And all I want is for someone else to not have to make the choices I’ve had to make. To not have to try to balance a non-existent budget but then find out too late that when you don’t eat because you ran out of food, it’s impossible to work.
I don’t want people having to triage emergencies, because everything is urgent.
I don’t want people losing themselves because it’s hard when you don’t have time to process your own trauma and tragedy. To deal with it.
It’s terrifying to make decisions that will be better for you and your community in the long run but right now, oh right now they hurt. They hurt so much. And yes, yes they are worth it.
But that doesn’t make them hurt less.
I do not regret my decisions.
But sometimes I have to take a moment and just acknowledge the weight of them. It’s how I stop it from crushing me.
So I am writing this because the last year has been amazing but also terrifying. I wouldn’t have made it without having such an amazing group of awesome supportive people in my life.
But I can’t keep running on empty.
I think I can because I’m so used to it. But I can’t.
And this is relevant to you, to others, because I have a lot to give, a lot that I can do. It’s not the same situation here in Canada. I’ve tried to replace me before, but we’re not yet there. (Trust me, there was a whole month long thing where I cried a lot and was willing to put myself in a very questionable position Patreonbecause we couldn’t find a replacement me for something yet).
So what I’m asking for, is help.
especially to non-Autistic people, stop donating to large non-Autistic orgs and consider donating to self advocates.
Stop stealing our voices
Give them back.
If you are able, (and I know, times are very hard right now, for us all), I’m setting up some fundraisers,
No obligation, No pressure, but if you are interested,
I have a YouCaring page, and also a Patreon
(Note: I started this on Monday, but then I was too exhausted to finish it, so I’m posting it a day late)
Today is Autistic Speaking Day.
It’s Autistic Speaking day, and my friend and colleague is in Ottawa at a National Youth Forum discussing what an accessible Canada would look like.
It’s Autistic Speaking day and just yesterday I rolled into a theatre, saw my name on a sign as the guest speaker, and reflected on the collaboration we had we done with the theater company and the amazing work that has been done this past year.
I’ve spoken at the United Nations in Geneva, made UN submissions as an autistic person representing autistics, been involved in National Campaigns,
and you know what?
this morning my phone broke even more, and I cried.
I pressed the non-responsive buttons repeatedly as if they some how held the answers I desperately needed.
I stared at that broken phone in disbelief and all the exhaustion came rushing back.
I’m so tired.
Last night was amazing. It was amazing and I was preparing to write a very different post for today. I still want to write that post.
But this one, this is something I have been putting off for so long.
A few weeks ago when I spoke at the consultation for the Canada Accessibility Act, I first spoke on the barriers I was facing as I was working to be involved in advocacy (and other things). How having a disability, especially multiple disabilities, impacts how you are able to deal with your disability. How being poor, not living in acccessible housing, and not having access to necessary medical supplies has left me with constant health problems in addition to what I normally deal with. How I struggle to fill out forms so much that it is often easier for me to simply go without, how this means I miss out on constant opportunities. Everything I accomplish takes so much out of me that I return exhausted, with less energy complete necessary functions others consider simple. With increased damage to my body.
I have failed disability studies courses 5 separate times.
That’s a different post, but it’s important because I so often see amazing disabled people pushed out of the field, their experiences enriching their non-disabled classmates, who go on to graduate and find jobs in the field,
while our expertise is overlooked and miscredited, and if we are lucky enough to get paid (we usually are not), we are frequently underpaid. Our involvement is not considered serious, or work, or something worth paying for.
This needs to change.
I love what I do, and yes, the stress, the tears, all of it is worth it.
But here is the problem.
I don’t constantly cry about money just because it would be easier for me and others,
I do so because I have been barely able to hang on for several months now.
I have some of the most amazing people in my life, and their support, their love, hope, optimism, that allows me to keep mine. Because my life is filled with such amazing people, I’ve spent the past few months trying to drag myself through this, knowing that there can be something in the future.
With all the talk that everyone does about Autism, how much money raised goes to support Autistics? And actually support them, not just fund questionable therapies. How much money goes to us, the Autistics working so hard for this. We don’t do it for praise, we often get dragged through the mud by so many people for this work. We put our reputations, our sanity, ourselves, on the line for this because we know they never mattered in the first place.
And all I want is for someone else to not have to make the choices I’ve had to make. To not have to try to balance a non-existent budget but then find out too late that when you don’t eat because you ran out of food, it’s impossible to work.
I don’t want people having to triage emergencies, because everything is urgent.
I don’t want people losing themselves because it’s hard when you don’t have time to process your own trauma and tragedy. To deal with it.
It’s terrifying to make decisions that will be better for you and your community in the long run but right now, oh right now they hurt. They hurt so much. And yes, yes they are worth it.
But that doesn’t make them hurt less.
I do not regret my decisions.
But sometimes I have to take a moment and just acknowledge the weight of them. It’s how I stop it from crushing me.
So I am writing this because the last year has been amazing but also terrifying. I wouldn’t have made it without having such an amazing group of awesome supportive people in my life.
But I can’t keep running on empty.
I think I can because I’m so used to it. But I can’t.
And this is relevant to you, to others, because I have a lot to give, a lot that I can do. It’s not the same situation here in Canada. I’ve tried to replace me before, but we’re not yet there. (Trust me, there was a whole month long thing where I cried a lot and was willing to put myself in a very questionable position Patreonbecause we couldn’t find a replacement me for something yet).
So what I’m asking for, is help.
especially to non-Autistic people, stop donating to large non-Autistic orgs and consider donating to self advocates.
Stop stealing our voices
Give them back.
If you are able, (and I know, times are very hard right now, for us all), I’m setting up some fundraisers,
No obligation, No pressure, but if you are interested,
I have a YouCaring page, and also a Patreon
Authenticity
Mintythings wrote "Authenticity" on Some Open Space.
Mild trigger warning for discussion of being outcast.
The reason this business caught my attention so strongly is because it relates to something I’ve felt in my own life for a long time– the pressure to be authentic and the impossibility of being authentic.
Authenticity is socially valued. Having a strong sense of your own identity and expressing it faithfully is supposed to make you a good person. Honesty and straightforwardness are supposed to make people refreshingly easy to deal with. People who are willing to defy social norms in pursuit of authenticity are supposed to be not just better company, but somehow also morally better, than people who are overly concerned with appearances and social conventions.
All this is true, if the things you express in defiance of social norms are the kind of things your audience likes to hear.
It’s circular logic. It’s a paradox. It’s a Catch-22. You’re supposed to express your authentic self in defiance of what’s normal, but only if your authentic self is normal enough to be acceptable.
If your authenticity is of a kind that contradicts what your audience thinks an honest, authentic person should be like– their ideas about human nature and what’s normal– or if your authentic self seems like an unpleasant person or even just a boring person to them, chances are you’ll receive a very similar negative reaction (if not a worse one) to what you’d have gotten for being “fake”.
Everyone sometimes has to weigh authenticity against social norms, choosing to either be honest at the cost of negative reactions, or to hide an authentic feeling or fake an inauthentic one in order to be accepted.
What do you do if it seems that you have to make that choice all the time? That your entire authentic self falls outside the bounds of what’s socially acceptable?
What do you do if trying with all your might to fake normalcy still leaves you outside the norm?
What do you do if you’re autistic, and
are all somewhere on the continuum from “boring” to “deeply unpleasant” as far as your society is concerned?
Well, some of us become social outcasts.
Others put an incredible amount of effort into becoming more normal– often with encouragement from their doctors and teachers, who urge them to think of autism as something that can be practiced and trained away.
When they fail, their unintended authenticity is judged as boring, childish, obsessive, sloppy, robotic, oversensitive, passive, rude, inhuman. When they succeed, they have to live with the knowledge that they can never really succeed, because success is supposed to be authentic, and easy, not something you work for. Trying is failure– in your own eyes, even if other people don’t notice you’re trying too hard– but not trying is failure too. The only solution is to have been born someone else.
When I was a teenager, I went pretty far in the direction of becoming an opinion-less, personality-less void, in pursuit of not being weird. It was actually hard for me to remember that I had an authentic self I was hiding, I worked so hard for so long to hide all my unacceptableness. Other people didn’t like me, because I was boring at best, and I didn’t like myself, either.
I knew I wasn’t a real person, an authentic person. I hated myself for lying. I hated my reflexive fear of expressing any opinion about anything. I hated my choice between being a useless, lowly thing that made sense to the social order, or a wrong thing that didn’t.
Before I could start to learn how to speak– how to have different types of conversations, how to use social scripts, how to respond to overtures of friendship and how to reach out to others– I first had to remember that I had an authentic self somewhere inside me, and I had to believe that I deserved the chance to show it to other people without ridicule.
The fear of being fake does still follow me, even when I’m not trying to fake anything, because some things that are authentic to me look like fakes. When it takes me time to process my emotions, and more time to explain them– or even when it takes me time to jsut answer a mundane question– I feel like my lack of spontaneity makes me inauthentic, calculated, robotic.
But it doesn’t. That slowness is authentic to me. Those nebulous emotions are my authentic emotions.
Those words that take time for me to think and write are the only kind of words I have. If they’re calculated, they’re calculated to be honest, and clear, and mine. I can’t become a person whose authenticity would be authentically normal. But I can do my best to discover what I am, and express it as clearly and carefully as I can.
Mild trigger warning for discussion of being outcast.
The reason this business caught my attention so strongly is because it relates to something I’ve felt in my own life for a long time– the pressure to be authentic and the impossibility of being authentic.
Authenticity is socially valued. Having a strong sense of your own identity and expressing it faithfully is supposed to make you a good person. Honesty and straightforwardness are supposed to make people refreshingly easy to deal with. People who are willing to defy social norms in pursuit of authenticity are supposed to be not just better company, but somehow also morally better, than people who are overly concerned with appearances and social conventions.
All this is true, if the things you express in defiance of social norms are the kind of things your audience likes to hear.
It’s circular logic. It’s a paradox. It’s a Catch-22. You’re supposed to express your authentic self in defiance of what’s normal, but only if your authentic self is normal enough to be acceptable.
If your authenticity is of a kind that contradicts what your audience thinks an honest, authentic person should be like– their ideas about human nature and what’s normal– or if your authentic self seems like an unpleasant person or even just a boring person to them, chances are you’ll receive a very similar negative reaction (if not a worse one) to what you’d have gotten for being “fake”.
Everyone sometimes has to weigh authenticity against social norms, choosing to either be honest at the cost of negative reactions, or to hide an authentic feeling or fake an inauthentic one in order to be accepted.
What do you do if it seems that you have to make that choice all the time? That your entire authentic self falls outside the bounds of what’s socially acceptable?
What do you do if trying with all your might to fake normalcy still leaves you outside the norm?
What do you do if you’re autistic, and
your body language
your tone of voice
the way you express emotions
the things you feel emotional about
the foods you like
your hobbies and interests
the things you aren’t interested in
are all somewhere on the continuum from “boring” to “deeply unpleasant” as far as your society is concerned?
Well, some of us become social outcasts.
Others put an incredible amount of effort into becoming more normal– often with encouragement from their doctors and teachers, who urge them to think of autism as something that can be practiced and trained away.
When they fail, their unintended authenticity is judged as boring, childish, obsessive, sloppy, robotic, oversensitive, passive, rude, inhuman. When they succeed, they have to live with the knowledge that they can never really succeed, because success is supposed to be authentic, and easy, not something you work for. Trying is failure– in your own eyes, even if other people don’t notice you’re trying too hard– but not trying is failure too. The only solution is to have been born someone else.
When I was a teenager, I went pretty far in the direction of becoming an opinion-less, personality-less void, in pursuit of not being weird. It was actually hard for me to remember that I had an authentic self I was hiding, I worked so hard for so long to hide all my unacceptableness. Other people didn’t like me, because I was boring at best, and I didn’t like myself, either.
I knew I wasn’t a real person, an authentic person. I hated myself for lying. I hated my reflexive fear of expressing any opinion about anything. I hated my choice between being a useless, lowly thing that made sense to the social order, or a wrong thing that didn’t.
Before I could start to learn how to speak– how to have different types of conversations, how to use social scripts, how to respond to overtures of friendship and how to reach out to others– I first had to remember that I had an authentic self somewhere inside me, and I had to believe that I deserved the chance to show it to other people without ridicule.
The fear of being fake does still follow me, even when I’m not trying to fake anything, because some things that are authentic to me look like fakes. When it takes me time to process my emotions, and more time to explain them– or even when it takes me time to jsut answer a mundane question– I feel like my lack of spontaneity makes me inauthentic, calculated, robotic.
But it doesn’t. That slowness is authentic to me. Those nebulous emotions are my authentic emotions.
Those words that take time for me to think and write are the only kind of words I have. If they’re calculated, they’re calculated to be honest, and clear, and mine. I can’t become a person whose authenticity would be authentically normal. But I can do my best to discover what I am, and express it as clearly and carefully as I can.
The problem is less that autistic people aren't speaking, and more that non-autistic people won't stop
Amythest Schaber writes "The problem is less that autistic people aren't speaking, and more that non-autistic people won't stop" at Neurowonderful.
Today is Autistics Speaking Day. I have something to say to non-autistic people. Can you listen?
Marvin and I went out to eat after protesting the 2014 Autism Speaks walk with ASAN Vancouver. From the moment we entered the restaurant, a patron sitting and eating with her family was openly staring at me and my wheelchair.
It seemed like this person really had a problem with me when I got out of my wheelchair to fold it up and sit at the only place we could- the table right next to her and her family. The staring got really obvious then. When Marvin brought over our food and McStaringson saw that we were going to stay and eat there, she got very uncomfortable.
I was tired, 110% finished with non-autistics, hungry, and overloaded in all of my senses. In that moment I cared a sub-zero amount about looking non-autistic, or less obviously disabled. I just did my thing and ignored McStaringson. I made no eye contact with anyone. I didn’t force any facial expressions. I was rocking in my seat, and I very likely flapped my hands when I saw our food coming.
When she couldn’t take it anymore (and she didn’t last long) McStaringson leaned over and pointed me out to her family. From the table immediately next to us. She was upset. I could hear her very clearly, but I’m sure she wanted me to. She actually managed to convince her teenage kids and spouse to get up and leave their food, which none of them had finished, so that she could get away from me as fast as possible.
I never went back to that restaurant. It took a little time and a lot of gritting my teeth to be able to eat in public again.
I have tried to talk about this three times in the presence of non-autistic people. All three times I was met with disbelief, justification, or correction- as if I were wrong about the thing that happened to me. Perhaps you’re feeling bristly and defensive yourself. Perhaps you’re already composing a #NotAllAllistics response like the ones I have heard in real space.
“It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“I’m sure you misunderstood.”
“Maybe she was leaving for some other reason.”
“Well, don’t autistic people struggle with understanding facial expressions…?”
They spoke for me, over me. They were so unwilling to hear what I was saying or believe that ableism is a widespread problem to which everyone is owed some responsibility, that they denied reality and my experiences.
And yet, this is the same kind of person who expresses dismayed surprise when they are finally confronted with an act of violent ableism or obvious oppression that they can’t deny. The denial of our daily lived experiences is the foundation for more obvious forms of oppression, but they can’t see the link. That link needs to be pointed out and the silencing needs to stop.
It’s not so much that autistic people aren’t speaking. We are speaking. It’s that so few are listening, and the rest of you won’t stop speaking over us. Our voices get drowned out. Often this is intentional. Sometimes it is the result of a true ignorance about autistic people and our lives, or the wrong belief that autistic people need someone to speak for them. But allies can help fight this ignorance and slay that insidious lie.
When an autistic person shares their lived experiences, believe and support them. When we have something to say, listen. Value our knowledge. Share our words so they fly farther. Amplify our voices, no matter how we communicate. I would say that the Autistics Speaking Day hashtags are an excellent place to start.
#AutisticsSpeakingDay #ASDay
Marvin and I went out to eat after protesting the 2014 Autism Speaks walk with ASAN Vancouver. From the moment we entered the restaurant, a patron sitting and eating with her family was openly staring at me and my wheelchair.
It seemed like this person really had a problem with me when I got out of my wheelchair to fold it up and sit at the only place we could- the table right next to her and her family. The staring got really obvious then. When Marvin brought over our food and McStaringson saw that we were going to stay and eat there, she got very uncomfortable.
I was tired, 110% finished with non-autistics, hungry, and overloaded in all of my senses. In that moment I cared a sub-zero amount about looking non-autistic, or less obviously disabled. I just did my thing and ignored McStaringson. I made no eye contact with anyone. I didn’t force any facial expressions. I was rocking in my seat, and I very likely flapped my hands when I saw our food coming.
When she couldn’t take it anymore (and she didn’t last long) McStaringson leaned over and pointed me out to her family. From the table immediately next to us. She was upset. I could hear her very clearly, but I’m sure she wanted me to. She actually managed to convince her teenage kids and spouse to get up and leave their food, which none of them had finished, so that she could get away from me as fast as possible.
I never went back to that restaurant. It took a little time and a lot of gritting my teeth to be able to eat in public again.
I have tried to talk about this three times in the presence of non-autistic people. All three times I was met with disbelief, justification, or correction- as if I were wrong about the thing that happened to me. Perhaps you’re feeling bristly and defensive yourself. Perhaps you’re already composing a #NotAllAllistics response like the ones I have heard in real space.
“It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“I’m sure you misunderstood.”
“Maybe she was leaving for some other reason.”
“Well, don’t autistic people struggle with understanding facial expressions…?”
They spoke for me, over me. They were so unwilling to hear what I was saying or believe that ableism is a widespread problem to which everyone is owed some responsibility, that they denied reality and my experiences.
And yet, this is the same kind of person who expresses dismayed surprise when they are finally confronted with an act of violent ableism or obvious oppression that they can’t deny. The denial of our daily lived experiences is the foundation for more obvious forms of oppression, but they can’t see the link. That link needs to be pointed out and the silencing needs to stop.
It’s not so much that autistic people aren’t speaking. We are speaking. It’s that so few are listening, and the rest of you won’t stop speaking over us. Our voices get drowned out. Often this is intentional. Sometimes it is the result of a true ignorance about autistic people and our lives, or the wrong belief that autistic people need someone to speak for them. But allies can help fight this ignorance and slay that insidious lie.
When an autistic person shares their lived experiences, believe and support them. When we have something to say, listen. Value our knowledge. Share our words so they fly farther. Amplify our voices, no matter how we communicate. I would say that the Autistics Speaking Day hashtags are an excellent place to start.
#AutisticsSpeakingDay #ASDay
The Journey From Self-Loathing to Self-Acceptance and the Forging of Identity
Cassie writes "Autistics Speaking Day 2016: The Journey From Self-Loathing to Self-Acceptance and the Forging of Identity" on Queertism, Gaytism, Aspqerqueer, Aspergay, Asperdyke: They All Mean the Same Thing, Really
Before I go into intricate details for what I want to say for my first ever contribution to the annual Autistics Speaking Day, I want to apologize for not posting the once throughout the month of October. I wanted to do a post about the intersection of autism in particular or disability in general and queerness, but I not only could not allocate as many resources as I had hoped to find, I also had a great deal occurring in my personal life that prevented me from a regular update of this blog. I apologize for that.
My post for Autistics Speaking Day is almost, in some manner, a continuation or an elaboration of the first post that I have ever made on this blog of mine, which was my take on person-first as opposed to identity-first language (which you can find here). In said post, I made the remark upon how I had received the official diagnosis of "Asperger's syndrome" at nine years of age, something incredible being a female, yet in many ways not surprising due to race privilege as well as relative privilege of class.
I will admit: it was not until earlier this year, around February or March or so, that I had began to learn about neurodiversity, the neurodiversity paradigm, the neurodiversity movement, and about the social model of disability. Every single day, I am still learning something, be it entirely new content, or reviewing what I had already read, analyzing it, and pondering upon how I could apply it to both my own life and to the work that I could do in my community to further the message of neurodiversity and of acceptance of those who are autistic and have other neurological differences, because the message must be spread to those who may not know that such an alternative to the dominant conversation about autism or about disability in general actually exists.
Read more here!
Before I go into intricate details for what I want to say for my first ever contribution to the annual Autistics Speaking Day, I want to apologize for not posting the once throughout the month of October. I wanted to do a post about the intersection of autism in particular or disability in general and queerness, but I not only could not allocate as many resources as I had hoped to find, I also had a great deal occurring in my personal life that prevented me from a regular update of this blog. I apologize for that.
My post for Autistics Speaking Day is almost, in some manner, a continuation or an elaboration of the first post that I have ever made on this blog of mine, which was my take on person-first as opposed to identity-first language (which you can find here). In said post, I made the remark upon how I had received the official diagnosis of "Asperger's syndrome" at nine years of age, something incredible being a female, yet in many ways not surprising due to race privilege as well as relative privilege of class.
I will admit: it was not until earlier this year, around February or March or so, that I had began to learn about neurodiversity, the neurodiversity paradigm, the neurodiversity movement, and about the social model of disability. Every single day, I am still learning something, be it entirely new content, or reviewing what I had already read, analyzing it, and pondering upon how I could apply it to both my own life and to the work that I could do in my community to further the message of neurodiversity and of acceptance of those who are autistic and have other neurological differences, because the message must be spread to those who may not know that such an alternative to the dominant conversation about autism or about disability in general actually exists.
Read more here!
That One Time I Had to Strike Against the IWW
Michael Scott Monje Jr. send us "That One Time I Had to Strike Against the IWW" on Shaping Clay
Trigger Warning for discussion of abuse
So last year I didn't get the chance to do one of these posts properly. I was too swamped, between teaching 21 credits, doing freelance copywriting, and pushing myself to publish 6 books I was editorially responsible for in 6 months, two of which I wrote. I'd already maxed out my labor investment in Autonomous Press, and I was just hauling ass to try to get the titles off the ground so they could be marketed and soled. So that we could get profitable and get paid.
I essentially silenced my own voice in the name of the collective, and in return I got... eight thousand dollars of short-term debt. I haven't realized profits from the press yet, and it's in no small part because my books did not receive the kind of basic book marketing I'd even been able to sustain for myself as a self-publisher. The press was going at a breakneck speed, but when I inquired about issues like a Goodreads presence or investing in trade shows (or even specific academic conferences), I was alternately told that I was making things too much about myself, that I was being too demanding, or that the press was "too focused on autistic books."
Excuse me?!
Read More Here
Trigger Warning for discussion of abuse
So last year I didn't get the chance to do one of these posts properly. I was too swamped, between teaching 21 credits, doing freelance copywriting, and pushing myself to publish 6 books I was editorially responsible for in 6 months, two of which I wrote. I'd already maxed out my labor investment in Autonomous Press, and I was just hauling ass to try to get the titles off the ground so they could be marketed and soled. So that we could get profitable and get paid.
I essentially silenced my own voice in the name of the collective, and in return I got... eight thousand dollars of short-term debt. I haven't realized profits from the press yet, and it's in no small part because my books did not receive the kind of basic book marketing I'd even been able to sustain for myself as a self-publisher. The press was going at a breakneck speed, but when I inquired about issues like a Goodreads presence or investing in trade shows (or even specific academic conferences), I was alternately told that I was making things too much about myself, that I was being too demanding, or that the press was "too focused on autistic books."
Excuse me?!
Read More Here
I'm just going to be me
NonSpeakingNonSilent writes "I'm just going to be me" at Non-Speaking Not Silent: AAC Apps and Service Dogs.
growing up I spent years learning very hard how to blend in, and yeah I largely failed at it, it seems but still there are parts of me I blocked up and away to try to blend, like shimming, I stim, a fair bit less than I did when I was little (though I am told I still stim a lot) adapting my communication and other things,
growing up I spent years learning very hard how to blend in, and yeah I largely failed at it, it seems but still there are parts of me I blocked up and away to try to blend, like shimming, I stim, a fair bit less than I did when I was little (though I am told I still stim a lot) adapting my communication and other things,
But
Blending in is not my goal
I just want to be me
I'm tired of trying to fit into everyone's boxes of how they think I /should be,
Everyone has these expectation
Either I must be or try to seem non disabled and I must be this (fill in
chain of behaviors social skills, likes and dislikes, ways of
communicating subjects of interest leaguer activities and interacting
here) way to fit in to blend (said way burns out all spoons and is not
achievable at all even with my best effort put forward )
Or
I need to be autistic and disabled in exactly /this/ way (fill in
arbitrary random expectation of what people expect me to be like and my
life line to have looked like as a white autistic CIs disabled female)
to have my current needs communication needs/style validated
If your a certain age you can't like xyz
If your disabled you can't like (fill in arbitrary things here)
I'm tired of having things that I have learned, skills I have gained
relationships in my life and other things used as ways to invalidate my
disabilities,
Growing up I went through a phase where I worked hard to blend because I
was told and I believed it was the right thing to do, that how I would
be successful, happy so I gave it my alll and when this stage hit I sort
of failed in horrid ways it was a mess, i also wasn't able to
properly figure out where and how and that's way to much to write about
the day after Samhain, I mostly just stood out a lot more and looked a
lot weirder,.....and then I started a weird mix of trying to pass harder
while not caring and embracing being the weird one,
I'm still the weird one, the strange one and I embrace that but I no
longer want to burn my spoons to try and pass, I just want to be me,
I'm now learning to accept myself, and my limitations, and that it's
ok to use support and do things in ways that I prefer and that work
better for me.
That doesn't mean I'm backsliding
That doesn't mean I'm faking
That doesn't mean I'm trying to be deceptive
That doesn't mean I'm lazy
It just means I want to find and do what's right for me
I just want to be me
I am going to do what works for me, when anyone else does that it's
considered a life skill, many times people find tricks and short cuts
that work for them and help them and they are seen as adaptive and
unique and resourceful, and everyone is encouraged to embrace themselves
and be who they are unless who you are is autistic, then you are
encouraged to blend and those things that might help you or things that
are useful to you that might be seen as creative in a non autistic and
be famous on Pinterest, is now a seen as a nusaaunce accomidation and
something you should adapt passed needing, and if you do for a little
while then your expected to be able to all the time.But here is the
thing that's not how our brains work, if we can sometimes manage with
out a support that doesn't mean we no longer need or will benefit from
it.
And I'm tired of it all
Everyone else is allowed to be themselves, and I just want to be me, and
that's what I'm going to do, because I can't afford to burn spoons on
pretending to not be me,
So I'm going to stim
I'm going to communicate in the way that works best for me (AAC)
I'm going to use visual supports
I'm going to rely on the services I need
I'm going to enjoy my souixie and the banshees, London after midnight,
the cure, mission U.K., switch blade symphony,as well as non post punk
bands and some metal
I'm going to switch between black clothes with reds greens and purples and earphones
I'm still going to carry my pikachu in my backpack
I'm going to swim and hike and go play at the park and do things I like
I'm going to study geailge (Irish) and build an Irish vocabulary in my AAC app
I'm going to hopelfully onday again partner with and use a service dog
I am Autistic
I am neurodivergent
I'm just going to be me and these things are parts of me.
I've never fit into anyone's boxes perfectly ever and I'm not going to
I'm just going to be me
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