Autistic Haiku of My Living Room

 Ben Edwards, Autistic Haiku of My Living Room

My bookshelf standing In a corner, housing all my Special interests

Celebrating 30 Years of "Don't Mourn For Us"

 Ira Eidle, Celebrating 30 Years of "Don't Mourn For Us"

In 1993, Jim Sinclair delivered a speech at the Autism Society of Canada’s annual conference in Toronto known as “Don’t Mourn for Us”. It was previously published in the first issue of Autism Network International’s newsletter under “Our Voices” in 1992. This was a very bold speech to give during a time where it was standard to treat an autism diagnosis as a tragedy. Research on autism was still in its early days and there was a much more limited understanding of what autism actually was at this point. Most of the literature on autism came from the perspective of non-autistic people. There were people like Temple Grandin and Donna Williams articulating their lived experiences to the public, though most of that wasn’t necessarily about the actual stigma surrounding autistic people and their personhood. Sarah Pripas-Kapit wrote a chapter in Autistic Community and Neurodiversity Movement that extensively analyzes the historical significance of “Don’t Mourn for Us”. I don’t want to be too redundant in that sense. Really, what I wish to discuss more is how far the Neurodiversity Movement has come since the thirty years since this speech was delivered and why it was so effective at sparking said movement. Autism Network International was a small group of penpals at this point. Jim has talked about how it was probably for the best that they grew at a relatively slow pace, given that the people involved were autistics and cousins. Cousins, by the way, was also coined at this conference by Xenia Grant, one of ANI’s cofounders. “Don’t Mourn for Us” sparked a lot of interest in ANI that really helped elevate its status as an organization. In the following years, a mailing list known as ANI-L was established, then ANI members were invited to collaborate in planning an autistic-led track for More Abled Autistic People (MAAP)’s 1995 conference, and the fallout of that event led to the planning of a Autreat, a conference that was by and for autistic people. So by the mid to late 90s, ANI had made a lot of progress in cultivating autism-specific spaces and conferences that were actually led by the population the conference was about. From this, there was further mobilization that came from the ideas discussed and experiences relayed at Autreat and on listservs. Eventually, with the proliferation of the World Wide Web, websites such as Autistics.Org and Neurodiversity.Net would crop up, acting as central hubs for information on all things neurodiversity, while also acting as ways of further mobilizing on issues related to autism and other neurological disabilities. There were also more listservs, like Martijn Dekker’s Independent Living on the Autism Spectrum (InLv), lists on Yahoo Groups like Frank Klein’s AutAdvo and AutisticSpectrumTreehouse, and websites on GeoCities. You also started to see the term “neurodiversity” tossed around, even seeing it in The Atlantic and New York Times. The turn of the millennium was an ample time for autistic people to organize and talk about autistic issues, as autism was starting to become more of a household name. Some of this was due to their work, but some of it was also because of the most influential autism organizations growing, and the formation of larger autism organizations like Cure Autism Now and National Alliance for Autism Research. A lot was being said about autism, but little of it meaningfully included the voices of openly autistic people. Not only this, but much of what was being said was not truly accurate and not based on particularly good science. It was definitely a moral panic. When autistic people and allies pointed this out, they were often faced with harsh criticism, dogpilling, and even stalking and physical violence in some cases. For some time, the autistic self-advocacy community mostly existed through listservs, WebRings, and blogs. There were a few formal organizations like ANI, and even nonprofits like GRASP, though neurodiversity was still a pretty fringe progressive movement. It certainly wasn’t mainstream by any means. This started to change once Ari Ne’eman and Scott Robertson started Autistic Social Action Committee, later renamed to Autistic Self-Advocacy Network. They facilitated the Ransom Notes Campaign in 2007, where they convinced the New York Child Study Center to remove stigmatizing ads they had about autism and similar neurological disabilities. Then they later became a nonprofit in 2011 and opened a national office in Washington, D.C.. ASAN and others involved with the Neurodiversity Movement hosted several public protests against Autism Speaks, which quickly became the world’s largest, most well-funded autism organization. Soon enough, autistic people who were involved with this movement started appearing in government organizations related to autism and disability such as the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee and the National Council on Disability. There was also lobbying being done with the American Psychiatric Association on changes to make to the DSM-V. More autistic-led organizations cropped up, including Autism Women’s Network (now known as Autistic Women and Nonbinary Network) and Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism. There was further mobilization against a decades-long campaign to close the Judge Rotenberg Center, evolving into the #StopTheShock campaign. Now in 2023, neurodiversity is a much more widely known word and concept, and the research and literature on autism and similar disabilities is beginning to become more accurate and respectful, though there is still much work to be done. There’s a lot I didn’t mention but could have-the Neurodiversity Movement has a rich thirty-odd year long history-but hopefully what I listed is a decent enough primer. “Don’t Mourn for Us” is truly the manifesto of this movement, and what really sparked all of what I just listed. The reactions to “Don’t Mourn for Us” over the years have greatly varied depending on who you ask. For many autistic people, it has been an affirmation that they are real people who deserve to exist just as they are. For many parents, it has helped them come to terms with the existence of their autistic offspring and shelf their pity, at least publicly. For others, autistic and non-autistic alike, it is disruptive and militant sounding. Some suggest that it is anti-parent. In a lot of ways, it shows how there have always been tensions between ACs and parents (though those groups are not at all mutually exclusive). There is definitely some frustration in Jim’s words, though I personally think said frustration is justified. A lot of this was a response to Jim’s observations of how autistic people were treated and talked about at the conferences xe attended and the St. John’s Autism mailing list, as well as xyr own lived experience. People like Rimland, Kanner, and Lovaas got to parade around their harmful and downright false theories and treatments that traumatized generations of autistic people with relatively little pushback. The “hope” that was given to parents was really a false hope that their offspring’s autism would go away, or that they should ideally be as close to indistinguishable as possible. Not because emulating non-autistic behavior is inherently a good thing, but because being visibly disabled and needing support was somehow unbearable. Jim’s idea of hope expressed here was different. It was hope that autistic people could grow up with people around them who were actually supportive of their existence, that they would be considered worth respecting the autonomy of regardless of their ability to perceive and replicate the same language as everyone else. Jim even says at the end “come join us, in strength, and determination, in hope and joy”. Xe was offering a chance at a better life and better world for both the parent and the offspring that would come with a change of attitude. To me, “Don’t Mourn For Us” means many things. It’s frustration, but it’s hope, it’s grounded in reality, yet comforting, it’s critical but it’s also understanding. It was a great way to spark a movement for social change. If its intention was to be all of those things, then it succeeded on that front. Jim’s advocacy as a whole really helped inspire multiple generations thus far of activists-including, but not limited to Mel Baggs, Lydia Brown, Ari Ne’eman, and myself. That means something. In fact, it means a lot. TL;DR: Jim Sinclair’s “Don’t Mourn for Us” speech is central to understanding the history of the Neurodiversity Movement. It was radical to deliver it to parents who thought their offsprings’ autism was the worst thing to ever happen to them. It helped spark the Neurodiversity Movement, which has seen lots of mobilization in the thirty years since the speech was delivered. People have reacted to “Don’t Mourn For Us” in a variety of ways, and I feel a lot of the conceptions people have about it are inaccurate. “Don’t Mourn for Us” is a lot of things at once, and its complexity is what really helped inspire generations of activists.

We Matter

Emma Goodall wrote for ASDay 2021

We Matter

autistics speaking day - my effort: I ran out of spoons so can’t communicate more than; We matter, we are important and valuable just as we are.

Petition Autism Bavaria

Ilona Mennerich posts Petition Autism Bavaria

Trigger Warnings: politics, mention of pathologizing language, political discrimination

Petition on the Autism Strategy Bavaria

1. In the recommendations for action on the Bavarian autism strategy, the AWMF-S3 guideline for the therapy of autistic disorders from 2021 is laid down as the basis. Many autistics and autism associations oppose the content of this guideline and do not approve it. 

Acceptance should not be contingent on how useful we are to the rest of the world

Alex Kronstein posts Acceptance should not be contingent on how useful we are to the rest of the world


I recently saw this on Twitter:

"Greta Thunberg is the perfect demonstration of non-autistic people accepting us if we are of use to them - and demonizing us if we aren't.

When I behave like her, I don't get applauded - I get punished.

Authentic, natural autisticness is NOT accepted in our society."

Yes. All of this.

I would add that this is exactly why NT parents dismiss us and demonize us more often than not....because they don't see #ActuallyAutistic people as being useful to them.

And it's a huge problem when we discuss non-speaking or so-called "severe" autistics.

And when we discuss how harmful ABA is? Well.....

I could go into lengthy detail about how often the NT parents go after us for that. On the whole, NT parents don't give a shit about us, because we won't tell them how wonderful they are and confirm their martyr complex.m

They Were Wrong

They Were Wrong
By Tagm

I want to let you in on something that took me a while to learn. And just like any advice from some random individual in the world, it might might not apply to you in particular. But I hope it does. People tell you a lot about autistic individuals, I find. There's a lot of overlap in the mainstays, so to speak - you know. Autistic people have trouble in social situations. They don't get when people are frustrated or unhappy or some such. They don't get metaphors and sayings. They need to stim all the time. You've likely heard others, but they're the ones that come off the top of my head. And I want to tell you what I figured out, after a while of experimenting: They were lying. Well, lying may be the wrong word. It implies deliberate action, doesn't it? Like they (the nebulous 'they') were purposefully trying to hold you down. I don't think that's what happens, for the most part. Certainly some people would prefer the Autistic and Asperger's individuals to keep quiet and fade into the night, but I think a great majority genuinely think that above stuff is true. And they were wrong. Not to say that it doesn't have a grain of truth - if you're autistic, then it WILL be harder to deal with social situations. And you may find it harder to catch those subtle social cues people do, and you may find yourself questioning those sayings that everyone else uses without a second thought. And if you're like me, you will pack a device of some kind to fidget with to clear your nerves on occasion. But note: It's -harder-. Not impossible. You're starting anything from five to five hundred thousand steps back from everyone else, and trust me, if you feel like having to work hard just to get to the same level as everyone else is a bad deal, I totally agree. The silver lining is: It's a damn better deal then the one where you just can't do it. And I know: Some people actually do have that deal. That deal where they just -can't- do the thing. Like I said at the start, this random advice might not apply to you, and if that's the reason why, then... well, there's not much I can think of to say, frankly speaking. I don't know how to handle that situation. Not right now, anyway. Still others may think I'm being over-positive about it. Frankly, for their particular situation, maybe I am. Again, if that's the case for you, I don't really have much to offer as a platitude, as one random person online typing about something so international and broad. If I've offended anyone with what I said, please take my word that it was never my intention. Ultimately it's just less-then-random babbling from someone on the spectrum who feels this stuff applies to themselves. But if you feel that the things I've said apply to you - as I feel they apply to me, and I feel astoundingly lucky to be able to say that - then take what I said and run with it. Work hard to do whatever it is you think your autism gets in the way of, whatever that may be. I'm not gonna lie and say it'll be easy. Trust me, it'll feel like a slog some days, it'll feel like banging your head against a brick wall others, and still other days you'll feel like it's not worth the effort. But it will be -possible.- Hard, but doable. So if they say you can't do it, well... They are wrong.

Where was heaven?

Where was heaven?
by Seven C.

"Can I wash it off my skin with water- how they look at me as if I were see-through. Can I be anybodies child?" Wrote that after a long day of work, overwhelmed and overheated. Unsure of how I could even imagine doing it all over again. If anything, I wish I could understand how hard it was to accept me for who I am. Even in good graces, the whole of me was too much. In my own pursuit of happiness, I hope that everyone finds theirs. I look up and around and wonder if there's any place that I rather be. For all the good times that I had in this spot, I'm not sure if I ever found the happiness that they were searching for me. Happiness that I wanted them to have. I wondered where was heaven.

I'm so fucking tired

 Content Warning for swearing

I'm so fucking tired
by Seven C.

Den

Den
by Seven C.


“I can let it all pass me by Or I can get down and try Work it all out this lifetime…” That’s one of my favorite songs, reminds me, very well, that everything could pass me by. But what is everything, though? I live a great life, what else is there? That question haunts me with fear. That question haunts me because I don’t know. All I know is this, all that there is is this, this is life. But what about over there. Why are they laughing at me? Why or how am I so different from them or them from me? We want the same things. Love is angry, and she is beautiful in a way that makes me understand what beautiful is. But I don’t know what she is. My words stiffen and circumvent in the air about her. Maybe I will never know her, maybe I shouldn’t. Is she everything that could pass me by or just a representation of it? I learned from my favorite teachers: cartoon characters on my favorite networks, that love isn’t an esoteric thing. In the same way that I discovered that Courage the Cowardly isn’t actually cowardly, I learned to appreciate how hard I try and how hard I fail. Courage, after all, isn’t the absence of fear but the strength to overcome it. Yes, I’m scared all the time. I fear the cold unknown future and present unbecoming truth: Love doesn’t know me by name, but not because of my Autism. Autism is a part of me, and so is this angry emotion. I give in to both with great acquiescence, for it’s all that I can do. I’m angry, mad as hell, because I can’t lay dormant. I can’t hide. I can’t wait. Life can’t pass me by. She, well she may as well pass me by, but she won’t leave me far behind; my autism, my anger, my love. I’m angry with the lack of reciprocation and the solipsistic nature that I drown in but not with my autism, and certainly not with what she is. I don’t have any anger to share, just love. Everything to fear but everything to gain. I won’t let life pass me by, new life, just as strange and juxtapose to mine. And I won’t let anger tear me down, replace the patience and acceptance I’ve been refused. Everything could pass me by, but before my life, I’m fighting.

Body Language

Anita M. King, Body Language

Body Language I shake my hands like casting Drops of water from my fingertips, Flinging outward so quickly That my skin snaps against the air. When there is too much touch, The touch of wind created by My own hand soothes me. The words that leave my tongue hobbled Sing free in the patterned flicker of fingers, The hum of the same four measures, The gaze turned away from faces And towards the sky. I have never been as quiet as they tell me. I have been loud with silence, loud With the rocking of my shoulders and the tilt Of my chin, the pressing of my palms to my eyes To make stars behind my eyelids, A dream of larger spaces.

Nine Years On from AS Day #1

Jane, Nine Years On from AS Day #1

Nine Years On from AS Day #1

Autistics Speaking Day again. Another Year. What, if anything has changed? What is new, what's the direction, is there one? I'm getting older. My neurology is coming to the fore. Deficits become more obvious and impact on my daily function, yet I am unwilling to deal with the disrespect endemic to the “helping” professions and social services, and they are unwilling to acknowledge my need for help in any event. I continue to have family responsibilities of which most of the young folks have no clue. I continue to try to give a child (who is not easy to deal with and does NOT respond well to lack of structure or unschooling – never has) the skills he will need to maintain decision making in a hostile world. It takes more of my spoons to barely function than I ever have. I have largely decided to leave the “autistic activist” community for a number of reasons: * Lack of understanding of parents whose children require direction and can be – yes, I will use that word – difficult to parent. * Outright libel from some members of the "community" who have never even met me. * Increasing lack of energy to function outside the house * Increasing responsibility in the family, as the one whose autistic superpower is paperwork and the only one who can get the bills paid for my partner's lifelong dream * Not even fitting in that community any more, as increasing emphasis is put on factors apart from autistic traits which I don't share. * Hostility towards Israel, our family's only port in a storm if the US Administration continues on its current course Goodbye. It's been real, but this is not the Utopia I thought it was; I have burned out and I no longer have the energy to deal with that.

Autistics Speaking Day 2018

Fallon Mydske from neurodiversitylibrary.org, Autistics Speaking Day 2018


Autistics Speaking Day 2018
(speech for 9th grade English)


Autistic culture is important to help me be proud of who I am and to deal with ableism around me. Autistic culture is created by autistic people and for autistic people. It is the things autistic people create including art, writing, speeches, jokes, stories and more. It includes the way autistic people move, communicate and connect with the world. This information is available on ASAN’s website (Autistic Self Advocacy Network autisticadvocacy.org) The infinity symbol is a symbol of autism acceptance and autistic culture. This is a symbol chosen by autistic people. A lot of people think that the puzzle piece is a symbol of autistic culture but that is not a symbol that was chosen by us. Many autistic people don’t like the puzzle piece because it indicates something missing. Other than the infinity symbol, there are other symbols of autistic culture that were created by us. This includes the neurodivergent narwhals and Montana the autistic party giraffe. The narwhals were created by an autistic person to help people understand autism. Montana was created as a response to someone saying harmful things about autism. They were not autistic and they said “What, I can’t write about a giraffe or lampshade because I’m not one of those either?”. Autistic people started getting outraged and turned it into a symbol that was silly. Humor is important to a lot of autistic people! Projects and writing such as Autistic Speaking Day and The Loud Hands Project were created to make better resources about autism. Some things such as communication cards, flapping instead of clapping, celebrating the ways we stim and the use of AAC (alternative and augmentative communication) are things everyone can use or do but are important to autistic culture. Autistic culture might not be mainstream but the ideas and practice are important to help us find a sense of community and be proud of who we are.

Autistics Speaking Day: Special Interests and Autism

TimeTravellingGirl sends us


"Autistics Speaking Day: Special Interests and Autism"


Most autistic people have "special interests", sometimes called "obsessions" or "large interests". A special interest is an interest that a person spends a lot of time and enjoys, more so than "normal". A special interest can literally be anything: Some of my main special interests have included Great Big Sea (a band), The Sims, Back to the Future, Ferries, Planets and Winnie the Pooh. Other autistic people have had special interests in topics like dogs, Star Trek, trains, politics, airplanes and piano. This is in no way a complete list and I didn't even list all my special interests. That would take forever. At most times, I have had more than one special interest, it is sometimes believed that autistic people can only have one special interest at a time. I currently have three. So, are special interests beneficial? Most of the time, yes. People have developed careers based on special interests. I, myself, am thinking of opening a business that is related to my special interests. Another example is a person who has a special interest in animals becoming a vet or working with animals in some other way. I, personally use special interests as a coping mechanism. When I am upset or overwhelmed, I tend to indulge myself in special interests. In the past, I have listened to my favourite music. Now, I may watch clips from Back to the Future or play The Sims (or the Back to the Future video game. It is also cool to find someone who shares your special interest with you, it can help you make friends (if you so choose of course). Many of us are told that they we can't talk about our special interests or do any activities involving them. This does not work very well. First of all, in my case, whenever I have been preventing from engaging in a special interest, I have always ended up developing another one. Also, it takes away a coping mechanism that many of us use. I have been told to let other people talk about their interests and to never talk about mine. Not so much as a teen or adult, but certainly as a child. Sometimes, the other person's interests, don't interest me at all and I kind of drift away from conversation. For example, I have absolutely no interest in snap-chat whatsoever, so whenever someone starts talking about, I get bored. Just like people might do if I talk about something I'm interested and they are not. The trick here is find a compromise (or people who share your interest) instead of telling autistic people not to talk about their interests at all. I recall a time when I was in a social skills class (that's a other blog post), and both me and my social skills partner (also neurodivergent), wanted to talk about video games, but our social skills teacher told us that we had to talk about school, even though we were both interested in video games. Neither of us wanted to talk about school, so why would we? In real life, people don't discuss topics that bore both of them because society requires they talk about it. The bottom line is that special interests are rarely harmful or destructive and actually serve a benefit to many autistic people. Thanks, AP

I Will Not Rest

Dr. Levinstein writes "I Will Not Rest."


Trigger Warning:  Mild trigger warning for discussion of eliminating Autistics.





I will not rest until Autism Speaks stops attempting to exterminate Autistics

I will not rest until people stop saying I am" high-functioning."

I will not rest until accommodations of light and sound are universal.

I will not rest until Autistics are no longer afraid to come out.

I will not rest until ABA is outlawed

Rumbles.

Duke writes "Rumbles."




In the darkness
In my sadness
Where the buffaloes roam
Where the wheels turn round

Tell me, how does it feel to be the eye of the storm?
How does it feel to be the only one?

Honoring the founders of Autistic Community. Whom I feel grateful to & for on Autistics Speaking Day.

Cara Flower writes "Honoring the founders of Autistic Community. Whom I feel grateful to & for on Autistics Speaking Day."




I know there are many others who have worked to make autistic community happen, I will speak of some I know...
In the beginning three autistic adults got together and formed a friendship. That was good, not only for them, as it resulted in the formation of A.N.I. Autism Network International. This was the first attempt at creating a "safe" place for autistics to get together. We did so via a web site, newsletter and email list groups. This led to a desire to get together "IRL" which led to the creation of Autreat. (An annual gathering planned and managed by & for autistic people and our friends.) The first Autreat was held in 1996, the last in 2013. Even tho Autreat is now defunct, its history and impact needs to be remembered. This is how we found each other, over many miles and difficult obstacles. To the founders of A.N.I.I want to say "Thank You" for opening the door to the possibility of acceptance. Thank you Donna, Xenia & Jim.

Why Today Is Important To Me

Annette Sugden from Dancing With Aspergers  


"Why Today Is Important To Me"


#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticsSpeaking2015 This day is important to me because not only am I autistic, but I work with other autistic people, including kids. Plus I'm involved in many online autistic communities. We all "speak." Online, in social media, nobody can tell if a person can talk or not. Many non-speaking autistic people are brilliant and articulate writers. 

Don't assume that a person online can talk. How do you know? All you see are typed words. Plus even those of us who do talk, doesn't mean that we don't communicate better through text. I do. I'm more confident, assertive, open, and myself in writing. My sass, sarcasm, and outspoken personality comes through, as well as my caring, empathy, and compassion. But also my tough times like my sadness, pain, anger, and health issues. In person I can appear aloof, or shy, or shut down. But it's not about me, or any one autistic person. It's about all of us. It's about not letting other people speak for us without our permission, and without input from us. 

Today came about because an ignorant group in Australia (this time not Autism $peaks), decided to have a "Social Media Shutdown" every year on Nov 1, to mimic the experience of non-speaking autistics by having participants not post online, ignoring the fact that autistic people, including non-speaking autistic people are very vocal online, and that we have a vast social network online. 

Please, don't assume anything about autism, and autistic people. We are all different. Don't assume if someone can't talk, or talks in lines from shows and movies, that they aren't intelligent, and can't communicate in other ways. Don't assume if someone can speak, that they are good at speaking, and that they don't have issues getting what they want to say to come out correctly and how they mean it to. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. We aren't all alike. We do grow up and become autistic adults. How we were at 4 was not how we are at 20, or 30, or 40, or 50, and so on. Get to know us. Don't speak for us. Ask us.

Autistics speaking

EmmaGoodall sends in "Autistics speaking"


Autistic speaking day - I think speaking requires both more than words and less than speech. It is not about what we say out loud, but how we communicate. A poem or a painting can speak from within with more power and passion than some spoken words. Alternatively a piece of theatre or music can move people emotionally or lead people to questions themselves and those around them in such a deep way they they change the way they live their lives. All of these require people to be open to learning from another, whether by watching their play or reading their poem or listening to their spoken words. My wish is that autistics are given the opportunities to communicate to people who are open to hearing/seeing from them and learning. The spoken word is not the most valuable form of communication, though it can be easier to hear, this does not guarantee listening.

Experts in our own lives

Leia Solo "Experts in our own lives" from 1handclapping 



One of the popular catch phrases in my profession is that ‘people are the experts in their own lives’. In the social work profession, we acknowledge that when it comes to talking about experiences, identifying goals and deciding what happens, clients know best. This is also called self-determination.

When it comes to autistic people, this seems to be a really hard concept for people to accept. The mainstream media, many parent support groups, education departments, researchers and professionals who work with autistic people, seem to have a lot of trouble seeing autistic people as the experts in their own lives.

Justifications for research on autistic children, publishing stories about them in the media and subjecting them to many hours of behaviour modification therapies is that they experience ‘challenging behaviours’, have ‘difficulty coping with peers’ and are ‘disruptive’ or ‘violent’. Time is spent trying to improve their eye contact, sit still in class, say ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ and ‘respond appropriately’. Whose goals are these? Whose purpose do they serve?

What do autistic people want? Do autistic children want to sit still? Do they want to make eye contact or not? What does it feel like for them when they do? What are they trying to communicate when they are ‘disruptive’? What frustrations are they feeling when they become ‘violent’? Do they want to participate in research on a substance that will alter the way they relate to others?

You might be interested to know that when autistic people raise these sorts of questions, they are frequently told that their concerns are not valid because of the ‘overwhelmingly’ large amount of carers and parents of autistic children who testify to the need for them to change.

Why are autistic people not allowed to be the experts in their own lives? Why is our self-determination secondary to the needs of non-autistic people?

Wonderglow Static

WONDERGLOW STATIC

Wonderglow static
Alight in my brain
A crackling connection
`Twixt silly and sane
Am I to be pitied?
Protected?
Restricted?
By those supposed wise
I have thus been depicted;
With a precocious puppet
That romps in my skull
Now disquietingly sharp
Now perplexingly dull
I have both strode and stumbled
And faltered, and flown
Scattershot seed and humus for
Fears that have grown
Of a reprobate, sluggard,
Religious fanatic—
What comes from a head
Filled with wonderglow static?

Wonderglow static
As waves trough and crest;
To surf the potentials
Between worst and best
I hang ten and tingle
Taut into the spray
Is it in and around me
Or just in my way?
Strange variation
Or one heaven blessed—
Ever at peace
Although never at rest?
Seeking no leave to differ
Begs leave just to be
Were there one to be begged!
And are none to foresee
The spills and the dousings
(With warnings emphatic)
That befall those who surf
On the wonderglow static?


Wonderglow static
An unbridled force
Affrighting the fretful
Respecting no course;
An electroshock zombie
I shuffle through floors
Full of meaningless rooms
And anonymous doors
Murmuring babble
To strangers I know
Hilarious to friend
And pathetic to foe
Sick in the semblance
Of health on the face
Robust in remembrance
Of an untrodden place
Where I, no psychotic
Nor mystic, nor addict
Live dreams in the ether
Of wonderglow static

Wonderglow static
Let us impose a ban
(So the wise have proclaimed)
Let us remake the man!
And I, their own servant,
Leapt into their mold
And I, my own quisling,
I have cursed me tenfold
But wonderglow static
(Not easy to kill!)
Dreaded by some as hell’s glow
Is a flint-spark of will
Kindling warmth for pariahs
At the hearthside of truth
From whence re-emerges
That rejected youth
Who sought not to be safe
From things sad and traumatic,
But to hear what God whispers
Through the wonderglow static.


Merlin L. Taylor, Jr. 1995, 2006, 2015