Wednesday, November 2, 2016

ASDay Post

Kathryn Bjornstad-Kelly writes "ASDay Post" at Katy Doesn't Live In Smithton.

I don't even want to think about how long it's been since I've posted here.
And I didn't want to think about how long it had been since I'd been involved with Autistics Speaking Day, or any sort of activism, when I talked to Corina again.  I mean, it was no secret that I had stopped doing pretty much everything that I used to do.  I had helped popularize ASDay, but now I had started avoiding it every year, as it arrived and on the actual date and as it passed.  Too much depression and anxiety.  Too much self-loathing.  Too much doubt.  Too much panic that welled up inside me anytime I tried to do anything that made me feel like maybe I was a person.  Too many voices telling me, "You'll never be good enough."

But that wasn't who I wanted to be anymore.  On new medication, I was doing a lot better, and starting to enjoy life again.  I had been spending time through the past few months fixing all of the problems that I used to spend hours worrying about, and it was making life better for me.  And I was not going to be afraid of Autistics Speaking Day forever when it could be fixed, and I could have what I wanted and I was capable of doing the job.  So ignoring the tangled pit of fear and doubt in my stomach, I sent Corina an IM.

Read the rest here!

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