Friday, November 1, 2013

Why I speak

rattiepuff posts "Why I speak" on Portrait of An Alex . Trigger Warning for stim suppression, ableism, abuse

Why I speak

  • because when I was a kid, I would be beaten for having meltdowns
  • told I was an embarrassment
  • told I shouldn’t exist
  • when I tried to explain the cycle of guilt and more meltdown from being made to feel guilty and abused
  • I was just hit again
  • and told “you let it out all the time you lying bitch”
  • because no kid should be told these things
  • because meltdowns can come because
  • the lights are too loud
  • people don’t make sense
  • mistakes
  • the world is confusing
  • overwhelming
  • terrifying
  • because i was left alone in school to rot
  • not taught how to communicate at all
  • not seen as an actual person
  • until they figured out i could read
  • when i was NINE
  • after being in school for SIX YEARS
  • and having my hands slapped when
  • i tried to gesture
  • having books taken away
  • and told to stop playing
  • and handed blocks
  • i hate blocks
  • i did not see the point
  • in being like they wanted me to be
  • stacking the blocks
  • making eye contact
  • because i’m told now
  • i’m too high functioning
  • i’m not really autistic
  • i don’t matter
  • i’m diseased
  • need to be cured
  • spoken over
  • by organizations who claim
  • to speak for me and others like me
  • because we matter
  • because communication is not just verbal words
  • and how do you dos
  • it’s behavior
  • typing
  • flapping
  • meltdowns
  • because we are here and we can use what we can do
  • to express ourselves
  • and not seek a cure

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