Why I speak
- because when I was a kid, I would be beaten for having meltdowns
- told I was an embarrassment
- told I shouldn’t exist
- when I tried to explain the cycle of guilt and more meltdown from being made to feel guilty and abused
- I was just hit again
- and told “you let it out all the time you lying bitch”
- because no kid should be told these things
- because meltdowns can come because
- the lights are too loud
- people don’t make sense
- mistakes
- the world is confusing
- overwhelming
- terrifying
- because i was left alone in school to rot
- not taught how to communicate at all
- not seen as an actual person
- until they figured out i could read
- when i was NINE
- after being in school for SIX YEARS
- and having my hands slapped when
- i tried to gesture
- having books taken away
- and told to stop playing
- and handed blocks
- i hate blocks
- i did not see the point
- in being like they wanted me to be
- stacking the blocks
- making eye contact
- because i’m told now
- i’m too high functioning
- i’m not really autistic
- i don’t matter
- i’m diseased
- need to be cured
- spoken over
- by organizations who claim
- to speak for me and others like me
- because we matter
- because communication is not just verbal words
- and how do you dos
- it’s behavior
- typing
- flapping
- meltdowns
- because we are here and we can use what we can do
- to express ourselves
- and not seek a cure
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